A Guide for Parents: Decoding the 'After School Meltdown'
As parents, you may notice a puzzling behaviour in your child: they might be polite, cooperative, and hardworking at school, yet at home, they seem to release all that pent-up energy, showing intense emotions, acting out, or even pushing boundaries. This dynamic can leave many parents feeling frustrated and confused. Why the drastic change?
The Juggling Act at School
In a school environment, children are constantly working hard to meet various expectations. They follow structured routines, adhere to rules, and strive to impress their teachers and peers. This "juggling act" of regulating their behaviours, managing sensory input, and coping with social pressures requires a significant amount of emotional and physical energy. School can feel like a performance where children are expected to "hold it together" and show only their best sides.
Even for children who seem calm and relaxed at school, this environment can be overwhelming. They may experience sensory overload from noise, visual stimuli, and constant movement around them. Children naturally want to fit in and succeed, which often results in a high level of self-control during the school day.
The Release at Home: Safe Space, Big Emotions
Once children come home, they finally step into a space where they feel safe, loved, and accepted for who they are. This safety allows them to release the emotions, frustrations, and stresses they've been holding back all day. Home becomes a “safe space” to let down their guard, express themselves, and seek out the comfort they need. However, this can look like temper tantrums, defiance, or withdrawal, which may be challenging for parents to manage.
”Children hold a metaphorical ‘emotional backpack’ throughout the school day, slowly filling it with frustrations, worries, and overstimulation. By the time they return home, that backpack is full, and they simply need to unload.”
Why Home Behaviour May Look "Bad"
Many children act out at home not because they want to behave poorly but because they trust their parents to see them at their most vulnerable. Here are some common reasons why children may display more challenging behaviour at home:
Exhaustion from Self-Regulation: Managing their emotions and behaviours in a structured setting is exhausting. At home, this effort drops away.
Sensory Overload: For children sensitive to sensory input, school environments can be overwhelming. They may be holding back responses to certain textures, sounds, and movements that they experience during the day.
Social and Academic Pressures: The social dynamics at school – such as making friends, following complex instructions, and meeting academic expectations – can create pressure. Once home, these tensions can manifest as frustration or irritability.
Rebound Effect of Emotions: Children might feel disappointed, frustrated, or scared by things that happened during the day. The delayed emotional response to these events can surface once they're in a safe place.
What Can Parents Do?
While it's challenging, there are strategies parents can use to support their children during this transition from school to home:
Create a Calm Transition: After school, try to create a predictable, calm environment at home to help your child decompress. A quiet snack time, reading a book, or just sitting together can give them space to unwind.
Encourage Physical Movement: Many children benefit from physical activities to release built-up tension. This could be as simple as playing outside, jumping on a trampoline, or engaging in a short family walk. Physical activity is a natural regulator for stress.
Validate Their Emotions: Let your child know that you understand it’s hard to keep up with expectations all day. Phrases like, “I can see you’ve had a tough day,” can reassure them. Validation shows them they’re safe to express their feelings without judgment.
Model and Teach Coping Skills: Over time, encourage them to recognise and verbalise their feelings. Simple techniques like deep breathing, drawing, or using calming sensory tools can empower them to manage emotions effectively.
Provide Sensory Tools: Some children find comfort in sensory tools, like squeeze balls, fidget toys, or cozy spaces at home where they can retreat if they need a moment alone.
Maintain Routine and Boundaries: Although it’s tempting to go easy after a rough school day, maintaining clear routines and expectations helps children feel secure. While they need the flexibility to express their emotions, they also benefit from predictable, consistent boundaries.
