A Parent’s Guide: Helping Kids Navigate Transitions
Your child is joyfully playing at the playground when it’s time to go home. You call out, “It’s time to leave,” and their happy mood turns into tears or outright refusal. Or perhaps it’s bedtime, and they’re deeply engrossed in a favourite TV show or game on the iPad. When you ask them to turn it off, they throw a tantrum. These are familiar struggles for many parents.
As creatures of habit, we know that change, even welcome change, takes effort. Our brains thrive on routine and predictability, so it’s no surprise that kids often struggle when asked to switch activities or environments.
For many children, moving from one thing to another—especially if it means stopping something they love—can lead to big emotions. And for those with additional challenges like ADHD, anxiety, autism, or sensory sensitivities, even the smallest transitions can feel overwhelming.
What Makes Transitions So Challenging?
Transitions happen when kids need to stop one activity and start another, like leaving the playground, getting ready for bed, or turning off the TV for dinner. These shifts can be challenging because they require multiple skills that are still developing in children:
Emotional Regulation: Kids must manage their disappointment or frustration about leaving something enjoyable.
Cognitive Flexibility: They need to shift their focus and energy to a new task.
Impulse Control: They have to resist the urge to keep doing what they want.
For kids with developmental or emotional differences, like sensory sensitivities or anxiety, transitions can feel even more overwhelming because routines provide a sense of security. Sudden changes or unexpected shifts can trigger anxiety or meltdowns.
“Transitions are more than just a change of activity—they’re a shift in focus, energy, and emotions.”
Why Do Transitions Trigger Big Emotions?
Rewarding Activities vs. Less Exciting Tasks
Often, transitions mean stopping something fun (like playing) for something they may not enjoy as much (like cleaning up). Clinical psychologists note that this shift can feel frustrating or disappointing, leading to resistance, whining, or even a tantrum.
Routine and Predictability
For kids on the autism spectrum or those with sensory sensitivities, routines provide a sense of security. Any deviation from the expected pattern can feel unsettling and disruptive, triggering anxiety or resistance.
Executive Functioning Skills
Transitions require executive functions like impulse control, emotional regulation, and cognitive flexibility. Since these skills are still developing in young children, they may not have the tools to handle these shifts independently, making adult support essential.
10 Tips for Smoother Transitions
Supporting kids through transitions doesn’t mean eliminating change altogether. Instead, by setting up routines and using strategies to ease these shifts, you can help your children feel more secure and empowered:
Plan Ahead
Anticipate potential challenges during transitions and prepare accordingly. Setting aside time and gathering supplies in advance can reduce stress and create a calmer experience for everyone.Connect First
Engaging with your child before asking them to shift activities can make transitions smoother. Get down to their level, make eye contact, and take a moment to join in on their activity before moving them along.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
It’s okay to acknowledge that transitions are tough. Let them know you understand if they’re disappointed to stop something fun. Validating their feelings can often diffuse big emotions and help them move on.
Give Clear Warnings
Let kids know when a transition is coming. For example, “In five minutes, we’re going to pack up and head home.” Using a visual timer can also help them prepare mentally, making the shift less abrupt.
Use Visual Cues
Routine charts and visual schedules can serve as a helpful reminder of what’s coming next, reducing anxiety and helping kids stay on track without constant prompting.
Countdowns and Timers
A countdown, whether verbal or with a visual timer, lets kids know exactly how much time they have left. This advance notice can prevent the frustration of sudden stops.
Focus on Self-Regulation
Teach your child calming strategies, like deep breathing or simple mindfulness exercises.
Movement breaks can also help reset their energy.
For bigger transitions (like leaving home or starting a new activity), letting a child carry a small comfort object, like a favourite toy or blanket, can provide emotional security and make the transition easier.
Create Routines
Structure helps kids feel secure, especially when it comes to repetitive transitions like mealtimes or bedtime. Routines offer predictability, allowing kids to relax into the transition with confidence.
Strategies for Toddlers & Presschoolers
Try to make the shift feel fun:
Offer choices, like, “Do you want to walk to the car or skip?”
Music can help kids relax and a “transition song” shifts their attention, allowing them to ease into the new activity.
Turning transitions into a game can help kids engage in the shift. For example, “hop like a bunny to the dinner table” or “race to the bathroom” can turn a potentially stressful moment into one of connection and play.
Strategies for Older Kids
Give them some control by involving them in planning the next activity:
Encourage independence by letting them take the lead in certain transitions.
For example, “Can you decide how we’ll get ready for dinner tonight?”Use logic and reasoning to help them understand the importance of transitions.
For example, “We need to leave now so we’re not late for your game.”Offer incentives for smooth transitions, like earning extra screen time or choosing a family activity for the evening.
Involve them in problem-solving. If a transition is consistently challenging, ask, “What could we do to make this easier next time?”
When Transitions Don’t Go Well
Even with the best preparation, some transitions will be tough:
Stay Calm: Your reaction sets the tone. Speak gently and avoid escalating the situation.
Use Empathy: Acknowledge their feelings without judgment. “I know it’s hard to stop playing. You’re really enjoying yourself.”
Offer a Reset: Give them time to regroup. For example, “Let’s take a deep breath together and try again.”
The Parent Mindset
Transitions are an opportunity for connection. Staying calm and consistent during these moments not only helps your child feel secure but also strengthens your bond. Remember, your tone and approach play a huge role in how your child responds.
By understanding and supporting your child through transitions, you can:
Reduce daily stress for the whole family.
Build your child’s confidence and independence.
Foster emotional regulation and adaptability over time.
Transitions are a part of life, but with some planning and support, they don’t have to be a trigger for challenging behaviour. By taking time to understand and prepare for the unique needs of your child, you can make daily transitions a positive, manageable experience for the whole family.
